


What Happens in Sound Should Probably Stay in Sound

by lavenderkitten322



Series: The Reconstruction of Uzushiogakure No Sato. [5]
Category: Naruto
Genre: 90 percent of sound are of varying degrees of insanity, Anko takes her job as one of the older siblings very seriously, Arashi has many regrets, F/F, F/M, Gen, Guren is the mom friend, He and Tsunade have drinking contests, He doesn't understand what is happening, He goes from F- parenting to a B, He isn't sure how it came to this, I only see gigantic games of tag, In his spare time Menma makes the most usless jutsus you have ever heard of, In which Orochimaru is the single father of like a thousand children, It Takes a Village to Raise a Child, Jiraya tried to be the responsible one, Kiho makes conspiracy theories when drunk, Kimimaro and Kabuto are the best children a person can ask for, M/M, Nurari can put on your make up and help you get dressed and you will look ready to slay, Orochimaru is a suprisingly good role model, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rasa is so confused, Sarutobi watches on in horror as all of his students join a diffrent village, Team work exercises?, alchol is a kage's best friend, but these kids are going to have to settle for a couple of adults, he needs to learn to actually parent, he quit after hour one, it is a work in progress, saturdays are reserve for dance offs, they are very detailed, tsunade gets that medical school she always wanted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-06
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-05-18 23:59:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14862806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderkitten322/pseuds/lavenderkitten322
Summary: Orochimaru has many regrets, the most recent one is the fact that almost all of his subordinates are no longer afraid of him. Nonetheless, he doesn't have any time to spend bemoaning what happened in the past, only keep on working on the future.  With a squirrel assistant from Whirlpool who keeps butting in on Orochimaru's personal affairs, Tsunade stomping her way back into his life, Jiraya complaining about the lack of adults that he can peep on in the bath houses, the sudden spike of insanity in Sound, Anko continuously making grand entrances which then leads to a bunch of his ninjas deeming it the only appropriate way to enter places, and scolding the Kazekage about his terrible parenting skills which some how leads to him teaching the guy how to do it properly, it's really is no surprise that he wants to bang his head on a wall. Repeatedly.





	1. So Hold My Hand, I'll Walk With You My Dear

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again my lovely readers! The chapters in this story are probably going to only be in chronicle order the first couple of chapters, and then whenever I have a random chapter planed out, I'll just post them! Less hassle in my opinion. Anyway, enjoy~!

'Kick-starting an invasion is hard.' Orochimaru contemplated to himself.  It wasn't as if he didn't have the information necessary to achieve it, but there were far too many variables!

 

'How much can I even depend on Sand?' Just thinking about it made his head hurt in ways that he hadn't known was possible.  At any rate, he was going to start with the bigger details and work his way down.

 

* * *

 

Guren was exactly what was expected of her; resourceful, had a dry sense of humor, had outstanding leading and following skills and behaviors, etc. As she walked towards the building she was told to meet Orochimaru-Sama, she wondered why she had been summoned for.

 

'Most likely a mission.'

 

Knocking at the door of her destination, she was let in by a nin that she didn't know.

 

"Orochimaru-Sama will see you now." A slightly muffed voice said as she walked towards a set of large doors. She entered.

 

"Ahh, Guren-Chan right on schedule!" Orochimaru cheerfully greeted her. He was leaning on a desk beside a wall covered in maps, pictures, and string?  She blinked a couple of times; this new  Orochimaru still was taking some time to get used to...Although, she was pretty sure that this wasn't what would be the new normal.

 

"....Or well I think you are on time; this place doesn't have windows or a clock for me to check!" He continued on oblivious to the inner turmoil his subordinate was feeling.

 

Guren took a moment to stare at the strange picture her Kage made; there were stacks of hazardously placed mugs and plates on one corner of the desk that Guren was pretty sure was going to tip over at any moment. The rest of the surface of the desk was covered in layers of papers, and she could see a bottle of sake under one of them.

 

Orochimaru himself looked just as chaotic; hair in a messy bun, wrinkles on his usually spotless clothing, and large bags underneath his eyes.

 

"Tell me, how do you feel about being Otokage?"

 

Guren's froze.

 

'.....W...What?' Her face must have shown her confusion and distress because Orochimaru hurriedly simplified what he meant.

 

"Not forever, but if I'm going to be doing this whole invasion thing, there is no way I'm going to be able to be in the spotlight during the Chunin exams since most will be able to recognize my chakra signature unless I use THAT technique. " Here he grimaced, a facial expression that Guren was sure was on her face as well. It had been.....weird for lack of a better word, to watch Orochimaru literally shed a bunch of bodies.

 

"Well," She started out, "I hope I'm not stepping out of line here, but when was the last time you slept Orochimaru-Sama?"

 

Orochimaru raised an eyebrow, then decided to humor her by replying.

 

"Two days ago I believe."

 

"...What day of the week was that?" Guren asked.

 

"Tuesday?"

 

"....Orochimaru-Sama, today is Tuesday. You've been up for a whole week!" Guren exclaimed.

 

"I mean no disrespect here, but you need at least a good seven hours Orochimaru-Sama. Once you do, you might notice that your invasion plans look an awfully like like that conspiracy board that Kihō made while drunk about the possibility of you being a woman."

 

Orochimaru took a moment to scrutinize his board of invasion information, and he had to admit it did look a lot like a conspiracy board.

 

"I suppose you are right." Orochimaru finally acknowledged.

 

"You are dismissed. I will call for you after I have gotten both myself and my plans in order so I can fully explain to you what we need to do."

 

Guren nodded and left. 

 

* * *

 

Murasakino lifted the brush once again continuing writing a letter. It was tedious work for the squirrel due to his size, but he's making it work. Finally, he was done. taking a moment to survey his work, he reread what he had written.  Nodding to himself, he turned to the only other being in the room; a pigeon.

 

"Thanks again for taking this letter Unazuki-Kun," Murasakino said gratefully.

 

"No thanks are necessary my friend!" Unazuki responded.  "You have helped me plenty of times in the past, now it is my turn to help you! Plus," Here Unazuki's started whispering, "the people of Tea Country tend to have very nice bird feeders!"

 

Murasakino let out a laugh. "Well then, enjoy yourself!" He tied the letter to Unazuki's leg and took a step back.

 

"I will!" Unazuki said as he started flying away.

 

* * *

 

"Orochimaru-Sama!" Yelled out an orange haired girl. she was out of breath,

 

" Sasame-Chan, while it is nice to see you again, barging into a room that you know is occupied, is terrible in terms of manners," Orochimaru said by way of greeting. 

 

Sasame blushed noticing that there were more than just Orochimaru in the room. There was a large table, with an assortment of Sound nins sitting around it including one of the bosses of her clan Kotohime, who looked at her with an arched eyebrow. Suddenly she remembered why she was in such a rush.

 

"Orochimaru-Sama! Tsunade Senju has been spotted heading in this direction! At the rate she's going, she'll be here in a little more than two hours!"

 

A feeling of panic washed over everyone in the room. Well, almost everyone.

 

"Wow, she sure responded fast. Admittedly, I would have preferred if she just wrote a letter." Responded Murasakino. Orochimaru stared at the squirrel; expression unreadable.

 

"W...WHAT DID YOU DO?!?" He demanded.

 

Murasakino answered him unfazed, "I just told her your situation."

 

Orochimaru looked at him in horror. "Why???"

 

"We are going to need more heavy hitters if we want this invention to work with the bare minimum of casualties. Plus, this way we can also have a med-nin on board." He replied.

 

"Orochimaru-Sama, _what do we do_?" Kotohime panicky asked. Orochimaru sighed.

 

"We end this meeting for the moment. Should anything happen to me, continue with the plan." He stressed out. He shot Murasakino, who was looking far too smug for his own good, a dirty look and rose from his seat. Two hours weren't a lot of time to get ready for a probably angry Tsunade; no amount of time was.

 

* * *

 

*Sponge Bob Narrator Voice*: Two Hours Later.....

 

Tsunade stopped in front of Orochimaru who was sitting on a blanket on the ground with the only thing separating them were two Sake bottles. A staring contest began. Hovering nearby was an anxious Shizune.

 

Finally, Tsunade spoke, "Was what was in the letter telling the truth?"

 

"Depends on what was written."

 

"Don't use that bullshit with me! Were you not in control of your self ?!?"

 

A sigh. Then a quiet "Yes."

 

Tsunade dropped down on the blanket. Picking up one of the Sake bottles, she started chugging. Orochimaru did the exact same thing.

 

"I thought I lost you too." Tsunade chocked out after a while.

 

"Don't be ridiculous Hime; I literally have lived longer as your teammate then not. Nothing at this point can put a wedge between us, much less the actions of a man who wouldn't accept no for an answer."

 

Tsunade took his hand and gripped it tightly. Orochimaru gave a small smile. Then they started talking. Tsunade spoke of how hard it was the past years had been, teaching Shizune how to be a medical-nin and her fear of blood.

 

In turn, Orochimaru talked about the fact that he was literally missing almost twenty years worth of memories, his worries about the fact that his possessed-self had done some awful things, and realizing that there is more to being a Kage then what he realized.

 

By the time they were done talking, the sun was setting. Getting up, Orochimaru offered Tsunade a hand. She took it with a grin.


	2. Planing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild Jirayia appears! Also, a meeting between two Kages!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vacation is finally here! After posting this I might go back to sleep; It's only 9 am.

Orochimaru didn't even bother to look up from his breakfast as the arguing that was happening in the hallway slowly, but surely started getting louder as the two people bickering moved closer to his office. Tsunade was there with him, sitting on a leaning chair with feet propped on one corner of his desk.

"I'm telling ya Gaki I gotta see the two of them!"

"Do you even have an appointment?!?"

"Where the hell would I even sign for one?!?" A loud annoyed scream was the response.

"Stay. Here."

There was a knock on the office door.

"Yes?" Orochimaru asked.

"Orochimaru-Sama, it's Tayuya; there's some old guy here to see you." An indignant squawk came from the other person that was outside the door. Orochimaru shared a lock with Tsunade.

"Tell Jiraiya to come in."

"Hai. He said he will see you now." Orochimaru could almost see the squint-eyed glare Tayuya was giving Jiraiya as she said this.

"Arguing with children really Jiraiya?" Orochimaru asked with an eyebrow raise.

"Yeah, well if she just let me go in the first place,"

"The kid is one of Orochimaru's bodyguards." Tsunade cut in leveling Jiraiya with a disapproving look. She liked Tayuya even if she had quite a mouth to her.

"She threatened to summon her ogres? And have them trample on me!"

"Serves you right." Muttered Tsunade.

"Why are you being so mean to me, Hime?!" Wailed Jiraiya.

Orochimaru rubbed his face with both of his hands.

"Jiraiya, why are you here? Tsunade and I are kind of busy right now with planning an invasion." Jiraiya looked aghast.

"A WHAT?!?"

* * *

 

"This is a terrible idea," Jiraiya muttered.

"Yup," Tsunade responded.

"I'm sitting here listening to you two plot the destruction of the Leaf." He continued.

Orochimaru hummed in agreement.

"And you are OK with this?!?" Jiraiya yelled at Tsunade.

"So long as I get to beat Danzo to a bloody plump, yeah." She took a swig from a wine glass.

"It isn't home anymore." She whispered.

"It hasn't in a long time," Jiraiya admitted. The three of them sat there for a moment in silence.

"Why are you so hung up on the leaf anyway? It's not like you have stayed there since the Kyubbi Attack." Tsunade asked.

"One of my students was a Hokage; what would he think of me if deflected from the place that he worked so hard save?"

"Considering the fact that his own son is leaving, I doubt he would care. If anything, I'm pretty sure he would raze the place to the ground if he had the chance." Orochimaru drawled.

"WHAT?!? Sensei says Naruto wants to be Hokage!!!"

"The Gaki was lying obviously," Tsunade said with a roll of her eyes.

"I would leave too if I became a pariah for no reason. In fact, that's why I'm staying here." Orochimaru added. Jiraiya had a sour look on his face most likely thinking about the treatment his only godchild was facing at the hands of people who should be honored to have him in their mere presence. Abruptly, his expression shifted to one of shock.

".....Wait a second....does that mean he's coming here?!?" Orochimaru scoffed at the question.

"You couldn't pay me to keep that child here; I have far too much to do on my plate, and have an Uzumaki here already. He is going to Whirlpool."

"Whirlpool?!? That place was destroyed decades ago!"

"Haven't you heard? It's being rebuilt; all that's left to deal with is are the structures. Something I've been told won't take long."

"How is building stuff from the ground up supposed to not take long?!" Jiraiya exclaimed incredulity.

"Seals were apparently placed at the foundations of all of the buildings, only a couple of drops of blood from a person from each largest clans is needed."

"Huh." Murmured Jiraiya thoughtfully. A look of confusion then plastered its self on his face.

"Say, Hime, why are you so hell-bent on murdering Danzo with your bare hands?"

"That bastard put a Tamashī Seal on Orochimaru!" She hissed out furiously.

"HE DID WHAT?!?"

* * *

 

Rasa had only meet Orochimaru of the Sanin a grand total of once, but even he could pick up that there was a different air to him. He still held himself with confidence, but as Rasa's new secretary (he couldn't remember her name for the life of him) poured Orochimaru tea, he said thank you. And then he started drinking it?!?! Who was this imposter???

"Before we finalize our plans, let's talk about what will happen afterward." Orochimaru started the meeting with.

"What?" Rasa confusedly asked. Orochimaru gave him the 'you are being particularly slow right now' look.

"Surely you don't believe you will be able to continue an alliance with Leaf after all is said and done?"

"Of course not. I simply assumed you would wash your hands off us and that would be the end of it." Rasa smoothly responded attempting to make his earlier blunder seem like it had been made because he was stunned, rather than perplexed.

"Look at it as a sign of goodwill; I would gain more doing that then you would. This way, we both get something more out of it." Rasa hummed thoughtfully.

"I see what you mean. What do you have in mind?"

"Unlike here in Sand," Orochimaru started, "Sound has wonderful growing seasons. I propose that in exchange for fresh produce, you give us dates and poisons." Both of Rasa's eyebrows raised in disbelief.

"That would be very.....generous of you." He said slowly. Orochimaru gave him a small smile.

"I suppose, but this way your council will not see it as me taking advantage of you in your time of weakness, but rather helping you return to your former glory."

And that was true, Orochimaru summoned snakes, and while a bit of a hassle to convince them to, they do give him venom.....occasionally. Also, Sand had scorpions that made some really good poison too.

"I will have to talk to The Council of course, but it will not take long for them to agree."

"Good. Now that that's settled, what do you plan to do about Whirlpool?" Rasa's confusion was very visible.

".....You don't know." Orochimaru whispered in horror.

"Uh no?"

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Naturally, Orochimaru wonders why it is him who has to explain to his fellow cage that 'Yo Whirpool became sentient and anyone who wants to come can go.' Yeah, Rasa gave that 'Are you drunk?' face. 
> 
> -Jiraiya is #iamconfusion. He will get used to it. 
> 
> -Tayuya takes her job as one of Orochimaru's elites/bodyguards very seriously. 
> 
> -Updates for any of my stories no longer have a schedule. If I have free time, you will most likely see a new chapter; which will probably be often. I just need to get my phone first.


	3. Just Wait, Can We Work This Out, Can We Work This Out?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But.....who will do all the paperwork?" Rasa asked weakly.
> 
> "That's what you are worried about, not the fact that your children are likely planning on deflecting?!" Orochimaru half-yelled.

"So if you want to go, all you have to do is....go?" Rasa repeated, mostly to himself.

"Yes," Orochimaru confirmed.

"But.....who will do all the paperwork?" Rasa asked weakly.

"That's what you are worried about, not the fact that your children are likely planning on deflecting?!" Orochimaru half-yelled.

"They wouldn't do that, I am their Kage."

"Are you for real?!? These are your children we are talking about!"

"Your point being?"

"So you aren't seeing nor hearing how detached you are sounding right now?"

"No?"

"Rasa-San, from a caretaker of a child to another, when was the last time you spent even an hour around your children outside of this room or talked about anything that wasn't ninja related."

"....."

"Kami save me," Orochimaru whispered in despair.

"This is bad. There is literally no other way to say it. Children need their parents Rasa-san! And these children don't even have their other one!" Orochimaru ignored Rasa's flinch. If he started feeling guilty about his wife, maybe there is a wife under all of that sand armor.

"Who has been taking care of your children? Who taught your sons what it is that they need to know to be a man? What about your daughter? Does she have a mother figure in her life?" Orochimaru demanded.

"There is Chiyo." Rasa offered weekly. Orochimaru glared at him.

"Chiyo should not be anywhere near your children as one of her decisions is why they don't have a mother anymore." By now Orochimaru was sure he had never heard a story more than ridiculous.

"Seriously Rasa-San, what will you tell your wife the day you meet again? How do you think she will react?"

Rasa paled. Orochimaru continued giving him a judging look.

* * *

 

"I don't know what possessed him to think this was a good idea!" Orochimaru complained two days later. Tsunade shrugged and Jiraiya looked at him helplessly.

"I'm going to be honest with you here Hebi," Jiraiya started, "What the hell makes you think I need to know about the Kazekage family troubles?"

"Because we are going to be seeing a lot more of him as we are allies," Orochimaru responded. He took a long swig out a sake bottle from one of the draws in his desk.

"So basically we need to fix this man's family life because his kids, who one of them happens to be the one tail jinjuriki are planning on leaving to Whirlpool; and he seems to think that they won't for some reason. What is the likelihood that he won't turn to a salty, bitter excuse of a human being?" Tsunade asked after summarizing the situation.

"At this point, I don't think it matters." Jiraiya pointed out.

"True." Tsunade agrees.

"So how are we like, even going to fix this? None of us exactly have children, much less ones that we ignored for all of their lives." Jiraiya stated as he started slouching in his seat. Tsunade kicked him in the leg.

"We are just going to," Orochimaru said with far more confidence then he had.

"Welp, this is going to be the hardest thing we've ever done." Tsunade scoffed at Jiraiya's proclamation.

"We went toe to toe with freaking Hanzo. I'm pretty sure this isn't the hardest thing we've done."

"Yeah, but this time we will have to talk about feelings!" Whined Jiraiya. He shimmed down, off his chair, and onto the floor and started rolling around.

Shizune has been in Sound for about a week and a half, and so she has seen some strange things. But, as she walked into Orochimaru-Sama's office, watching Jiraiya-san roll along the floor, Tsunade-Sama pour sake into a cup of what looked like coffee, and Orochimaru himself chugging a bottle of alcohol, she just stood by the door and stared.

This was unlike anything she had ever encountered before; Kiho had asked her earlier if she knew if Kabuto (who was that??) was Tsunade-Sama and Orochimaru-Sama's secret love child. She, of course, said no; Orochimaru-Sama and Tsunade-Sama did not have a relationship like that.

"Should.......should I leave?" She finally asked.

Jiraiya stopped his rolling for a moment and pulled a thoughtful look.

“Say, why don’t we just asked Shizune.”

Orochimaru and Tsunade shared a look, before shrugging.

“The Kazekage is having some….family troubles. His children plan on migrating to Whirlpool, and honestly, the man knows next to nothing when it comes to child raising since he didn't raise any of his children.” Tsunade explained.

“And this is your problem how?”

“It will solidify the alliance that we are currently working on with Sand. However, we can not afford to do something ridiculous such as kidnap the children since that would mean taking future Whirlpool citizens.” Orochimaru continued.

“And come on let's be honest, I’d rather have Sand as an enemy than Whirlpool.” Finished Jiraiya. Everyone nodded their heads in agreement. Shizune stood silently for a moment thinking really hard.

“.....I think I know what he needs to do. He needs to talk to them.”

“How is talking going to help?” Tsunade picked underneath her nails absently.

“His kids don't have a positive opinion of him.” Shizune pointed out.

“Ah, I believe I see where you are going with this.” Orochimaru gave Shizune a small smile. “With a positive opinion of their father, the children will most likely keep in touch with him.”

Jiraiya hummed thoughtfully for once being serious. “ He should let them go.”

Tsunade gave him a surprised look. “Why?”

“Think about it, Rasa only wants his kids to stay because it’ll make him look bad. If he were to say, give a diplomatic mission to make connections with Whirlpool’s younger generation, it would be a win situation.”

Tsunade snapped her fingers. “This way he would have diplomats in Whirlpool, and the kids will be talking to him directly!”

“This way, everyone is happy!” Shizune added happily.

* * *

 

“I'm sorry Orochimaru-Sama, you want me to do what?!?!” Arashi half yelled. Orochimaru rolled his eyes.

“You are to go to the chunin exams with a team that consists of your cousin Sasume, Menma of the Shiin clan, and Jūgo. There is, as you know another team going as well.”

Arashi started sweating profusely. He loved his cousin, really he did, but she was chaos in human form. Add in a Jugo with his anger issues and Menma’s strange ability to make useless jutsus, Arashi wasn’t sure there was going to be a Leaf once the chunin exams were over.

“I suggest you start planning team strategies on your way over.” Orochimaru continued ignoring his subordinate having a mini heart attack in front of him.

“Of course sir.” Arashi finally said. Orochimaru’s eyes lit up with amusement.

“Here,” He handed Arashi a bottle of sake from one of his desks many drawers, “I have a feeling you’re going to need this.”

**Author's Note:**

> There is a very big chance that this story isn't going to be updated as often as the main one, although with summer coming up in like nine days maybe? Eh, who knows. I literally am going through each person listed on the character tags wiki page because honestly I forgot about half of them lol. And as always, kudos and comments are very appreciated! See ya guys next time!


End file.
